I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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