apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
