Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
