And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
