Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need to stop coming to work sober
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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