last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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