My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
