Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize