How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
