Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
