Whoa Z and x make the same sound
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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