On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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