I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i came on her dog
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
