i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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