My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
