so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
