i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
