Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
