I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
