still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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