apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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