it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The beer is more important than you right now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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