every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
