I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize