what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize