so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
