Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
