Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
