I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
