Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
