Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
