When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
