i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sorry about my life...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
