When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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