So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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