All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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