ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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