Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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