Swine flu is the new snow day.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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