walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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