Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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