You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
