I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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