I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
