I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
