these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
