I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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