she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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