he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
