yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
