Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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