I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
