Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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