Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
