Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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