It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
