I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
