the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
