i wish starbucks made bloody marys
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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