Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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