Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
