HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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