real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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