butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize