It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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