He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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