my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
