He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
