between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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